Self-(and Community) Care with WiYN?
At Who is Your Neighbour?, we try to hold conversations that support societal well-being, particularly in places where people don’t tend to get heard. We might understand self-care as a relational, community activity rather than a private concern (not that those are mutually exclusive!)
What does it mean to believe that we can only be ‘well’ when both I and my neighbour - who might seem different to me, or be differently resourced - are cared for and listened to?
Our answer is a reflection on how three ‘Cs’ - conversation, change and curiosity - feature in our work.
Conversation
WiYN? Senior Facilitator Ian remembers the impact of starting up conversations with passers-by in central Rotherham, as the first COVID-19 lockdown lifted:
There was a visible release of emotions. One woman, passing with her five children, had her first chance to talk about her experience.
I could see it, like a valve, like steam coming out of her!
Research indicates that “closeness, connection, and belonging is … derived from multiple conversations or social interactions … vital for … well-being.” It is not good for humans to be denied conversation and connection. Senior Facilitator, Violet, thinks intentional, community conversations are needed because:
People just don’t have the space to talk about what’s real, to them.
Change
WiYN? facilitators often look out for moments of change in conversations. Dedication to self-care can require us to make personal changes; and to adapt to, or build up resilience in the face of, societal change.
Director, Tariq Bashir, remembers a conversation in a village near Doncaster, where emotions ran high:
They wanted to talk about Muslims, the experience of going into town and ‘people don’t look the same any more, aren’t speaking English, you feel like you’re in a different country.’
It was building up and building up.
Our facilitators assume people mean well and take them seriously, even when their words are difficult to hear. This empathy can create conditions for genuine change, as in this case, when suddenly:
Somebody said, ‘I don’t actually know any Muslims’. Then somebody else said, ‘I don’t either’. And then the whole group.
That was a moment of real change.
Curiosity
Facilitator Brad tells his story on our website. He thinks curiosity is essential when it comes to building trust and community well-being, particularly in places where people have experience of being ignored or shut-down:
Everyone’s willing to have a non-judgmental conversation, where there is genuine curiosity about their lives.
Without this, people become isolated and divided:
A lot of the groups I work with in Barnsley, they haven’t been heard.
For WiYN?, carefully-held conversations are an effective tool that helps communities get along - and ‘well-being’ in community requires us all to keep on learning how to get along.
* this article was originally published in Sheffield Methodist District's April magazine ' With God's Help I will ... Care for myself while Supporting others.'