The richness, complexity and evolution of a conversation that matters.
Ian has been working with some South Yorkshire people who want to talk about how things have changed - for the worse - in the place where they live. As a case-study, it is one example of how a Who is Your Neighbour? conversation can develop in stages.
Ian has listened to and got to know some of the white residents. Each person has a different perspective; some associate problems in the area with their neighbours, who are Roma people from Slovakia.
![An Evolving Conversation (Ian) [photograph]](https://whoisyourneighbour.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/An-Evolving-Conversation-Ian-3-2-750x500.webp)
Who is Your Neighbour? is also in conversation with the Slovak Roma residents and, in the longer term, aims to bring both groups together. The story of the work so far explains aspects of our approach.
The richness, complexity and evolution of a conversation that matters.
Stage 1 - getting to know people
Who is Your Neighbour? doesn’t have one fixed way of working but building relationships with local residents is almost always where we start.
In this case, Ian was introduced to a neighbourhood group called Just Talking* , by a local WiYN? partner. That is sometimes how our work starts. The 15-or-so Just Talking members, most of whom are retired, have met regularly in the same venue for more than 20 years.
Ian has enjoyed meeting people on several occasions. He appreciates their honesty:
“The group is like a gift that keeps on giving. People are more than happy to talk and tell me what they want.”
The community, a few hundred houses on the edge of a central area, is very old and quite run-down.
Ian said:
“It is like the land that time forgot. And they want their community back.”
He is pleased that people have been able to tell him what they are feeling:
“They got into the things they were unhappy with and it was clear that they wanted to talk about the Slovak Roma people.”
He attended three meetings to get to know the group; on the fourth, another WiYN? facilitator joined him and they held a structured conversation.
Stage 2 - getting deeper
When the structured conversation took place, some participants felt able to express strong anger. They also went into more details about what has happened to the place where they live and how it has affected them personally:
“They were ready to go to another level. They talked about the value of their properties, negative equity and feeling trapped.”
They mentioned rubbish not being collected, groups of people congregating and crime. The conversation kept returning to the frustration this group feels about having nobody to turn to for help:
“On the streets there’s unease. People said they make calls about litter but nobody does anything.”
There are many different perspectives. And there is complexity within each of the individual perspectives. The story of Just Talking is nuanced. Some people in the conversation do not hope for integration with newer arrivals but, for many, that is exactly what they want. There is unease about the Slovak Roma neighbours but, at the same time, one group is welcomed when it meets weekly in the building that hosts Just Talking. Ian has noticed these differences. The variety is significant, especially when a group might, at first glance, appear homogeneous.
He said of the people he has met:
“They were the best of friends and have been meeting for 20 years - but they couldn’t have had more opposing opinions.”
At times, challenging things have been said; Ian accepts this:
“There are some really angry views - you have got to give that space. People say things like, ‘there’s another one of them’. But there is also support for the incomers.”
Facilitating a conversation is a disciplined artform and this group is bigger than most Who is Your Neighbour? works with. Ian and his colleague allowed for lots of flexibility but also recognised the need for focus and a direction.
Ian said:
“Conversations sprang up all over the place, with different responses happening around the table.”
To give structure, he and his co-facilitator divided the session into three areas: how you got to where you are; what’s going on right now; what do you want moving forward?
Two people working together is an important feature of Who is Your Neighbour?’s approach to holding conversations. In this case, Ian listened while his colleague provided structure:
“It’s about working together. It was brilliant. People were getting down to what things mean for them, their home lives and their future. So, I kept quiet; I didn’t need to fill any gaps.”
Stage 3 - moving forward together
There will be more conversations in this place and with this group. Overall, Ian is sensing in the area a tension between a strong desire to hold the community together and a lack of capacity to see things from others’ perspective. He said, of the residents he has met:
“They made it quite clear, all along, that they don’t want to banish people, they want to find a way to integrate. At the same time, there isn’t much empathy for others.”
There were recurring themes in the conversations; about children not going to school and men not being productive. Some Slovak Roma women have told a WiYN? team member that they think other people consider them dirty. None of this is easy to work with in a conversation. And yet, despite such challenges, there is hope and a desire to continue.
Ian said:
“The majority of the people I have met feel a joint conversation would be welcome. And we talked about having signs up at the centre in Romanes saying ‘Everybody’s Welcome’. That was a little glimpse of something.
“I am looking forward to building up confidence and to a joint community conversation.”
Next steps are to allow people to keep listening and talking, and maybe find a way to bring groups together, agree ground rules, and then let them decide together how to move on.
*Not it’s real name.
Who is Your Neighbour? doesn’t have one fixed way of working but building relationships with local residents is almost always where we start.
In this case, Ian was introduced to a neighbourhood group called Just Talking* , by a local WiYN? partner. That is sometimes how our work starts. The 15-or-so Just Talking members, most of whom are retired, have met regularly in the same venue for more than 20 years.
Ian has enjoyed meeting people on several occasions. He appreciates their honesty:
“The group is like a gift that keeps on giving. People are more than happy to talk and tell me what they want.”
The community, a few hundred houses on the edge of a central area, is very old and quite run-down.
Ian said:
“It is like the land that time forgot. And they want their community back.”
He is pleased that people have been able to tell him what they are feeling:
“They got into the things they were unhappy with and it was clear that they wanted to talk about the Slovak Roma people.”
He attended three meetings to get to know the group; on the fourth, another WiYN? facilitator joined him and they held a structured conversation.
*Not its real name.
When the structured conversation took place, some participants felt able to express strong anger.
They also went into more details about what has happened to the place where they live and how it has affected them personally:
“They were ready to go to another level. They talked about the value of their properties, negative equity and feeling trapped.”
They mentioned rubbish not being collected, groups of people congregating and crime. The conversation kept returning to the frustration this group feels about having nobody to turn to for help:
“On the streets there’s unease. People said they make calls about litter but nobody does anything.”
There are many different perspectives. And there is complexity within each of the individual perspectives. The story of Just Talking is nuanced. Some people in the conversation do not hope for integration with newer arrivals but, for many, that is exactly what they want. There is unease about the Slovak Roma neighbours but, at the same time, one group is welcomed when it meets weekly in the building that hosts Just Talking. Ian has noticed these differences. The variety is significant, especially when a group might, at first glance, appear homogeneous.
He said of the people he has met:
“They were the best of friends and have been meeting for 20 years - but they couldn’t have had more opposing opinions.”
At times, challenging things have been said; Ian accepts this:
“There are some really angry views - you have got to give that space. People say things like, ‘there’s another one of them’. But there is also support for the incomers.”
Facilitating a conversation is a disciplined artform and this group is bigger than most Who is Your Neighbour? works with. Ian and his colleague allowed for lots of flexibility but also recognised the need for focus and a direction.
Ian said:
“Conversations sprang up all over the place, with different responses happening around the table.”
To give structure, he and his co-facilitator divided the session into three areas: how you got to where you are; what’s going on right now; what do you want moving forward?
Two people working together is an important feature of Who is Your Neighbour?’s approach to holding conversations. In this case, Ian listened while his colleague provided structure:
“It’s about working together. It was brilliant. People were getting down to what things mean for them, their home lives and their future. So, I kept quiet; I didn’t need to fill any gaps.”
*Not its real name.
There will be more conversations in this place and with this group.
Overall, Ian is sensing in the area a tension between a strong desire to hold the community together and a lack of capacity to see things from others’ perspective. He said, of the residents he has met:
“They made it quite clear, all along, that they don’t want to banish people, they want to find a way to integrate. At the same time, there isn’t much empathy for others.”
There were recurring themes in the conversations; about children not going to school and men not being productive. Some Slovak Roma women have told a WiYN? team member that they think other people consider them dirty. None of this is easy to work with in a conversation. And yet, despite such challenges, there is hope and a desire to continue.
Ian said:
“The majority of the people I have met feel a joint conversation would be welcome. And we talked about having signs up at the centre in Romanes saying ‘Everybody’s Welcome’. That was a little glimpse of something.
“I am looking forward to building up confidence and to a joint community conversation.”
Next steps are to allow people to keep listening and talking, and maybe find a way to bring groups together, agree ground rules, and then let them decide together how to move on.